she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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