I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize