why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
