my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize