I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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