Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize