he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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