Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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