I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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