ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
