dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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