I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
3pm strippers are depressing
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize