just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
