I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Never underestimate the power of titties
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