If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
