airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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