i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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