Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They took my balls.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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