I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
