he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
