So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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