hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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