I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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