I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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