I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
