do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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