I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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