I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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