1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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