Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
