Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
