$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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