Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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