if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
