So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
