I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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