i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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