Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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