It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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