How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize