hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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