awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
