it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
