My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Welp...herpes.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
