How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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