I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
