a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize