I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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