oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
