Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
