Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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