haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
