My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize