You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
