I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
