I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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