I want to stick my p in your. b.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
