Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
