remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
