When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
