so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
