I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
