I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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