we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize