Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
