While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
