I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
