We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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