I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
