is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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