im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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