Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
