Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
