Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
