I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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