Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
