Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
