We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
