We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
