I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize