Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I touched a dick in church today
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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