this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize