I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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