I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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