textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
