HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
