There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to calm my uterus...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
