Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
