Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
