Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
