some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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