I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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