On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
